Listen now | When we say something it "just sex" we imply that sex is somehow the easier part of a relationship, the bit that doesn’t require any real investment of time or energy. Needless to say I disagree.
Lots to think about here (you'll be glad to hear!) and I will give it lots of thought over the next while. But at the minute a couple of things leap to mind.
I'm reading a book at the moment that includes a mental exercise in which the reader is invited to imagine their perfect day. Not 'a really good day, or an excellent day, but the absolutely perfect day.' I won't give the background because that would, in the author's view, spoil the exercise for anone who's not done it, but he did say that in his experience surprisingly few people include any kind of sex in their day. Now it's possible that they DID, but just didn't tell him, but he's a psychiatrist, and is therefore presumably trusted by his clients. So I'm going to take that assertion at face value.
And it surprised me. Perhaps it would be different ijf he had asked people to plot their perfect weekend, or week, but even so, you'd think that in an exlicitly 'perfect' day, sex would feature in most people's day, in some form, somehow. But apparently it didnt. So while I can see how saying something is 'just' sex is a bit problematic given how important it is in most of our lives (to the point where people can self-refer as, and so to some extent be defined as, 'asexual' if it's not present) it does appear to be something that can be compartmentalised, with, if not a barrier then at least a border, between it, and the rest of our lives.
On a different note, you in no way come across to me at least as 'sorted'! (I mean that in a good way.) I'd be disappointed in anyone who saw you that way, as to me it would indicate that they haven't been readng you properly.
Confident, certainly, but in the manner of a confident explorer; you know what you know, but also what you don't. Some of your posts remind me of one of those scenes in a fantasy film when the character is working their way through a maze constructed by an evil genius, in which a false step or a wrong turn leads to a trapdoor opening, or an axe swingng from the ceiling, or a massive stone ball rolling down the track and killing everyone.
But while I'm confident that by the end of the movie you'll get to the end of the maze safely, I also know every step you take will be careful and wary. A sort of sexual Indiana Jones, if you will. Just without the whip. (Possibly - what you keeo in your wardrobe is not for me to know!)
Hahaha, thank you so much for this response - will check out that book and it's a v interesting point. I think a lot of people DO compartmentalise sex and I feel like it would be wrong of me to suggest that's not OK but also... it doesn't quite sit right with me. Hmm. Lots to think about (as per). Fx
Glad you liked the comment. It occurred to me that if I wanted you to check out the exercise, I might useully have included the reference! It's in an early chapter of Raj Persaud's 'The Motivated Mind'. I'm only a quarter way through the book though, so can't really comment on it as a whole yet.
Hi Franki,
Lots to think about here (you'll be glad to hear!) and I will give it lots of thought over the next while. But at the minute a couple of things leap to mind.
I'm reading a book at the moment that includes a mental exercise in which the reader is invited to imagine their perfect day. Not 'a really good day, or an excellent day, but the absolutely perfect day.' I won't give the background because that would, in the author's view, spoil the exercise for anone who's not done it, but he did say that in his experience surprisingly few people include any kind of sex in their day. Now it's possible that they DID, but just didn't tell him, but he's a psychiatrist, and is therefore presumably trusted by his clients. So I'm going to take that assertion at face value.
And it surprised me. Perhaps it would be different ijf he had asked people to plot their perfect weekend, or week, but even so, you'd think that in an exlicitly 'perfect' day, sex would feature in most people's day, in some form, somehow. But apparently it didnt. So while I can see how saying something is 'just' sex is a bit problematic given how important it is in most of our lives (to the point where people can self-refer as, and so to some extent be defined as, 'asexual' if it's not present) it does appear to be something that can be compartmentalised, with, if not a barrier then at least a border, between it, and the rest of our lives.
On a different note, you in no way come across to me at least as 'sorted'! (I mean that in a good way.) I'd be disappointed in anyone who saw you that way, as to me it would indicate that they haven't been readng you properly.
Confident, certainly, but in the manner of a confident explorer; you know what you know, but also what you don't. Some of your posts remind me of one of those scenes in a fantasy film when the character is working their way through a maze constructed by an evil genius, in which a false step or a wrong turn leads to a trapdoor opening, or an axe swingng from the ceiling, or a massive stone ball rolling down the track and killing everyone.
But while I'm confident that by the end of the movie you'll get to the end of the maze safely, I also know every step you take will be careful and wary. A sort of sexual Indiana Jones, if you will. Just without the whip. (Possibly - what you keeo in your wardrobe is not for me to know!)
Hope that helps!
A.
Aaron, I'm dead! SEXUAL INDIANA JONES!!!
Hahaha, thank you so much for this response - will check out that book and it's a v interesting point. I think a lot of people DO compartmentalise sex and I feel like it would be wrong of me to suggest that's not OK but also... it doesn't quite sit right with me. Hmm. Lots to think about (as per). Fx
Glad you liked the comment. It occurred to me that if I wanted you to check out the exercise, I might useully have included the reference! It's in an early chapter of Raj Persaud's 'The Motivated Mind'. I'm only a quarter way through the book though, so can't really comment on it as a whole yet.